“MONOTONOUS MARRIAGE MADNESS
OR MARITAL BLISS?” (Sept.9, 2017, by J. Farrell Fisher)
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An experience recently with a man experiencing ‘monotonous marriage madness’ occurred when he mentioned to me that it looked as if his marriage had failed. He said his wife asked him to leave their home – she was tired of him. He also informed me that they had been ‘active church members’, BUT, he said, “She has a tendency toward alcoholism, and usually drinks more than a bottle of wine a day.” Over the years of crossing his path, maybe once every two-three years, he always had a very ‘down-in-the-mouth’ attitude, giving me no encouragement that he himself lived as a strong ambassador of Christ to his family. I believe he had two or three young adult sons, but he did say that one seemed to be leaning on the Lord, finally. When I prayed about him, his marriage, and his family, it was as if Holy God had written the ‘title words’ of this message in the sky! I knew I had to look at “monotonous marriage madness” OR “Marital Bliss”!
My wife, Sue, and I have been married 61 years! We birthed and raised together three sons and a daughter, the oldest son now pushing toward 60 years of age! Our second child, Susan, was just 14 months younger than Scott, then Stan, about 5 years younger than Susan, and then Steve, about 7 years younger than Stan. And, for Sue and I, it has been a fabulous journey! We’ve been blessed with kids who learned to honor the Lord – and all four are true examples of, yes, sons and a daughter of the Family of God!! Their kids are fast becoming stout witnesses of “saving grace, mercy, and love” in and through Christ!
I often have to ask as I read or hear about the disastrous divorce rate in the U.S., or about schools that intentionally shut God’s Word out of the educational process, or the communities that have no desire for “In God We Trust”, or even hospitals around who don’t allow pastors any longer free access to the “needy”, and certainly don’t want preachers in their hospitals praying, does anyone ever learn about “marital bliss” or are there those who excuse ‘monotonous marriage madness”? It’s happening!
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In reading the Psalms recently, I came to Psalm 66:8 which said, God speaking, “I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace
day or night. You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent. AND give Him no rest till He establishes and till He makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.”
But, my concern, a weighty concern, in our modern-day in America, is: “Where are the ‘watchmen’ on the walls of the ‘city’ of marriage and family? Where are the ‘protectors’ of marriage enrichment, marital bliss, and families that choose to be salt and light in the ‘field’ of disintegrating marriages?
In Isaiah 62:6 God said the same thing! “I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night. You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent. Verse 7, And give Him no rest till He establishes (or makes to stand), and till He makes (marriage, again) a praise in the earth.” “God is able!”, but do YOU in your marriage want His help? Some in the ‘marrirage community’ entered ‘marriage’ as simply, for them, ‘male and female fantasies’, or ‘legal experimentation in sexual frolicking’ (?), but never in the “good, acceptable, and perfect will of God”, and His bidding and blessing in marriage!
In Philippians 3:12 Paul made an ‘eye-opening’ statement when he wrote: “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected, but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” But, can you paraphrase that Verse, you and your ‘marriage partner’, related to, yes, “the Holy ministry of marriage” for your sakes, for your future children, for the HONOR of Christ Jesus, AND for the very “example” of national security, willing to be “laid hold of by Christ to honor marriage”?
National security? “I thought that was our military forces, but, you say our marriages play a major role in national security?” Absolutely I do! And, for you and your marriage, does Holy God have, or is He allowed to have for your marriage, His firm grip of divine strength, magnificent promises, and His very Spirit to ‘birth’, ‘raise’, mature’, and, yes, ‘use your marriage’ to honor His Son and unveil to a broken marriage community around you that there is an answer in Christ alone!
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Have you ever heard of friends of yours and your mate having problems, and the worldly ‘counselor’, even some in the ministerial community, advising: “You two just might as well divorce – it will save you a lot of pain and frustration.” Really? Don’t you find it sad when you learn that ‘marriage counseling’ often falls into the ‘insane’ advise of, “It’s OK; just follow your ‘natural inclinations’ – God won’t disapprove; He equipped you for that in handling both the good and the bad.” HOW STUPID AND HOW FAR AWAY HAS MANKIND FALLEN, and especially, in some, in the, “yes”, marriage counseling ‘ministry’?
“God IS able,” but when it comes to ‘saving marriage relationships’ some believe He’s disabled! Some in the ‘cloudy marriage condition’ never seek after the will of God but are certain He wants them ‘happy’ even if it requires divorce! Is it just humanly possible that one could ‘lean not to his/her understanding’ but yield to the will of God instead? In Philippians 3:10-14 Paul had been inspired to also write the following: (and I encourage you to apply it to marriage and family!), saying: “that I may know Him AND the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Even a ‘dying’ marriage relationship’?).
Not that I have already attained (a perfect marriage!), or am already perfected; BUT I (we) press on, that I (we) may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me (us). Brethren, one thing I do (we do), forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I (or we), press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus,” IN THE MARRIAGE COMMUNITY!
I remember many, many years ago, someone asking my wife, Sue, “Have you or Farrell ever considered divorce?”, with Sue comically saying to them: “No! Divorce has never been a word allowed in our home by us or our children; BUT, ‘murder’ has been an option off and on!” [Well, for some, that ‘sounds’ reasonable and justifiable! Right? WRONG!!].
Without hesitation, I say to you, Biblical revelation declares God’s will to be “indissoluble relationships” which I firmly believe will still be celebrated together around our Lord’s eternal Throne! And the church, pastors, Christian families and
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friends to one another, are to be ‘ambassadors’ of “blessed marriages”, ‘ambassadors’ of comfort, correction, and encouragement’, and ‘ambassadors’ of, yes, saving grace, mercy, and love’. Why? Because we are “soldiers of the Cross”, and sometimes the field of battle is within the marriage community!
You see, too many fail to see ‘marriage’ as their ‘field’ of service for the glory of God! It was Robert C. Dodds, in his book, “Two Together”, (Copyrighted 1959, 1962, by Thomas Y. Crowell Company, N.Y. publishers), who wrote: “When two people, in a dramatic service of divine worship, extend open and defenseless hands and clasp them together, they are showing to God and to the world their readiness to learn from each other the mysterious penetration of real love.”
But, of course, because of the ‘fallen-away-nature’ of “independence from God”, men/women choose “my way or the highway”, even most, very casually and ‘cool’ because: “I’m my own person – I can do as I please. And I have no desire in this “Pleasing God” to do as He says – I’ll do as I damn well please!” How separated, sick, and insane has mankind ‘fallen away’?!?
It’s so interesting as you read through Paul’s Book of Ephesians, coming to Ephesians 5:15-16, hearing him say passionately: “See that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil,” but, YOU ARE SO SPIRITUAL (?), YOU SAY: “That has nothing to do with my marriage relationship.” Really?
In Ephesians 5:17-18 Paul then said: “THEREFORE DO NOT BE UNWISE, but understanding WHAT THE WILL OF THE LORD IS. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit…”. Strong influences in marriage of ‘self-will, self-determination, and self-dependence’ ALWAYS leads to the “reckless drunkenness” of “my way”, easily avoiding the will of God!
Studiously, under the leadership of the “guiding” Holy Spirit, examine Ephesians 5:22-29, AND, Verse 33! It says: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and
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He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives JUST AS also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
SO, husbands ought (must) to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” He enlarged his heart in Verse 33 saying, “Nevertheless let each one of you so love his own wife as himself, and let his wife see that she respects her husband.”
But, you understand, you are aware: There are those men, those women, who have no respect of divine intent in their lives, therefore, whatever the world, the old sin-nature, or Satan suggests, they’ll willingly follow, even desecrating holy marriage vows!
Peter was a stalwart servant of Christ as he matured in faith by the Spirit, and in 1 Peter 2:13-17 he wrote: “Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD, by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men – as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. Honor all people (Including your wife or husband?). Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” [Are YOU about ‘honoring’ King Jesus in your marriage relationship?].
Later, Peter spoke about Jesus “bearing our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.” Verse 24! So… are you living in “healed marriages” or just take “man’s way out – divorce apart from the disciple of Word and Spirit allegiance?
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Oh, and then there’s a ‘shocker’ in 1 Peter 3:1-2! Peter wrote, yes, inspired by the Spirit, “Wives likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, WHEN they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” And then in Verse 7 Peter wrote: “Husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs TOGETHER of the grace of life, that your prayers not be hindered.”
In Pastor T.D. Jakes’ book, “He-Motions”, published in 2004 by G.P.Putnam’s Sons, p.201, Pastor Jakes wrote: “So often I hear couples talk about how in most relationships there’s one partner who needs the other partner more, and this person is the one who sacrifices their power to keep the other one happy. Obviously, this promotes an unhealthy, unbalanced, lopsided relationship that will only foster bitterness, resentment, and unbridled distrust between man and wife. I believe that in order to strike a balance regarding the power in a relationship, each person must recognize the variety of his or her needs as well as the needs of their partner. It’s not just one need but the complex layers of need – each of you has different needs that the other can touch like no one else. It is vital that you look to your relationship as a banquet to feed both of you; one cannot gorge him – or herself while the other goes hungry.” GORGING apart from God’s discipline IS deathly, whether the marriage relationship or one’s personal walk! It was Paul Johnson, British historian, who wrote in his book, “Enemies of Society”, that its continuation, its blessing, its fulfillment, especially in the marriage part of society, is the passion for God’s truth (in marriage!) and the voluntary willingness for change in us until He has His rightful administration through us! Yes, in marriage, it is to be: “Lord, what would YOU have me to do to honor You through my walk with my wife or my husband?” How many do you need who truly seek the will of God in their marriage? Yet how easy it is to look across the broad spectrum of marriage and see ‘discerning distortions’ apart from the Spirit, the will, the intention, AND the provision for a Christ-honoring marriage and family? Why not PRAY until we see His Kingdom come, His will be done in the home daily to His glory and honor and praise and thanksgiving?