Chapter 22RAISING SPIRITUAL SONS
Nowhere in my earthly dreams or spiritual visions did I ever consider myself a “spiritual father.” I’ve looked UP to many men in my forty-two years of ministry as strong spiritual guides and encouragers – and even at 68 years of age I still look for them and warmly receive them.
But my November, 2004, trip to India confirmed some things in me that I genuinely had not realized. Though a lot of the India pastors call me “Papa,” I’m definitely appreciative of their love – but when they say, “Papa Farrell, you are to me my spiritual father and I love you for the example you’ve been to me,” IT IS VERY HUMBLING!!
There is an awesome responsibility that is so real, so needy in mentoring, training, and equipping young men TO WALK WITH CHRIST AS A MATURING DISCIPLE AND A WINNING WITNESS.
It is filled with heartaches and disappointments as wellas great joys and distinct pleasures. There are days and weeks and months that oftentimes it is so dark and cloudy because of choices some of your spiritual sons make – decisions that blot their witness but crush your heart! Then the sun shines brightly because one son begins to look like Jesus more and more, and you rejoice.
Physically I’m the father of three sons and a daughter and I look upon them as spiritual sons and a spiritual daughter. How I pray and long that they’ve picked up the best from Sue and me – not our worst! I came into physical and spiritual parenting with a lot of baggage; a lot of unresolved conflicts; and even more basic, a lack of my true identity in Christ. And in all four, Scott, Susan, Stan, and Steve, no father could be as proud as I am of all of them. THEY DO LOVE JESUS!
Spiritually God has blessed me beyond measure. He has put into my sphere of influence even guys I didn’t know I was influencing! But then there are those that I’ve walked with, worked with, wept with – blessed a hundred-fold!
November, 2004, Coimbatore. Young university students ad graduates who were thankful for the ministry of the Word then commented, “We look to you as our spiritual father.” Mumbai, engineer-pastor, bi-vocational, “Since the first time I heard you teach eight years ago, I’ve looked to you as my spiritual father. The anointing, the Word, your spirit in Christ captured me heart.” Mumbai, a New Life senior pastor – “
Papa Farrell, I’ll always look to you as my spiritual father; a lot of India pastors feel the same way.”
I want no glory, no honor, no praise – if there is any, “Let It Go To Calvary.” But it has awakened some new and wonderful things in me. I sense a weighty, weighty responsibility on me the the “sentence of death” on me is a daily reality so “The RESURRECTION LIFE OF JESUS IS MANIFESTED IN MY MORTAL FLESH>“ I sense that passion for Christ to be all He wants to be through me. I sense a call to greater humility, greater dependance, greater hunger, more wisdom, more power than a lowly disciple could ever try to muster up on his own. I love what Paul said to the Philippians about himself – “apprehended of God” – and for God’s purposes; “apprehended of God” – and for His people; “apprehended of Go” – and for His pleasure.
It was certainly the intent of Christ Jesus in spiritual fathering. There’s the twelve He drew to Himself. There was that inner circle with such quality time with their teacher. And I do know it is WHAT He taught, but also what they “CAUGHT” from Him in those years together, and what He “WROUGHT” into their lives by Word, deed, and Holy Presence.
I remember those two disciples on the road to Emmaeus as their “hearts burned within them” as Jesus opened the Word and Spirit.
That deep bond between Paul and the Ephesian elders speaks so loud to us as we see that history of time, teaching etc., “holding back nothing that was necessary” for their spiritual health.
Does early Acts speak to you? They were together, had all things common – and they CONTINUED STEDFASTLY IN THE APOSTLES’ DOCTRINE AND FELLOWSHIP. Does that say anything about fathering “spiritual sons and daughters?”
From the Old Testament I’m reminded of the prophets and…”the sons of the prophets.” I see a Naomi and a Ruth. What about Elijah and tha “mantle of Elijah” that Elisha “picked up?” I look at an Eli encouraging a young Samuel, “When you hear the voice again, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’ “ And Samuel is raised up, prepared to serve God in a powerful way.
What was the role of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo in equipping “wise men” to look for the “Star?” And hundreds of years later the “teaching” is still going on and “wise men” from the East show up at Jesus’ birthplace to bless the newborn King!
Zacharias’ son John gets a prophetic word through his father that he’ll PREPARE THE WAY OF THE LORD and even be a servant of God turning the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.
In 2 Timothy 2:1-2, Paul speaks: “You therefore, MY SON, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus…AND THE THINGS YOU HAVE LEARNED FROM ME AMONG MANY WITNESSES, COMMIT THESE TO FAITHFUL MEN WHO WILL BE ABLE TO TEACH OTHERS ALSO.” What a revelation and inspiration to training, mentoring, discipline!!
I saw in MalachI I as I was flying back from India verse 6 when God said, “a son honors his father,” yet today in far too many corners of our globe ‘sons’ (and I use that reservedly) use their fathers, accuse and abuse, ignore, circumvent his leadership, blessing and birthright, and with the Korahs, Dathans and Abirims go out on their own insisting “all are holy” and they don’t need, don’t want, and could care less about a “father’s blessing.”
I believe Jesus was very clear when in Luke 16:12, He said: “And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, WHO WILL GIVE YOU WHAT IS YOUR OWN?” There are those ‘sons’ who KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FAITHFULNESS TO THAT WHICH IS ‘ANOTHER MAN’S…and they really never know the blessing that COULD HAVE BEEN THEIR OWN. Oh…they believe they have it!
I remember a young evangelist about twenty-five years ago who used to preach on “You may get what YOU WANT, but not want what you get!” That is so on target! Even Jesus Himself said, “You are of your father the Devil, for his works you do.” And how disappointed Jesus must have been with the eloquent professors who never possessed one ounce of earnestness of faith and obedience to the “SPIRIT of OUR FATHER!”
You may not know the name Frederick Faber, but he was a discouraged Anglican minister who had left that church to become a part of Roman Catholism.And there he found an emptiness of strong hymns of faith and the joy of singing, so he began to write “new songs.” He was so fearful of “new religious movements” and new attitudes of ‘discipleship’ that looked only at the experience of the moment, immediacy of the moment, that left a void of devotion to relationships. One of his hymns says:
“Faith of our fathers! Living still In spite of dungeon, fire and sword; O how our hearts beat high with joy When’er we hear that glorious word!….Faith of our fathers, HOLY FAITH! We will be true to You till death.”
And I wondered if Faber had been in the role of “spiritual fatherhood” and had his heart broken over ‘immediacy,’ ‘all are holy,’ ‘I do it my way,’ ‘I have things I want to accomplish’ – leaving a father in despair as wayward sons manufacture self-appointed ‘ministries’ and begin to build their own little kingdoms.
In the matter of “spiritual fathers” and sons in training there are certain principles of RELATIONSHIP, RIGORS IN TRAINING, AND, YES, RELEASE – but far too many ‘sons’ want relationship without the rigors of training and certainly not ‘RELEASE’ because that interferes with the ‘me, my, mine’ philosophy. It’s why Steve Farrar wrote in “Finishing Strong,” (p39), “…the qualification for having a public ministry is not ‘giftedness.’ The qualification for ministry is PROVEN CHARACTER.” And Jesus told some that they ought to make friends for yourself who have ‘deep pockets,’ because when you fail they can take care of you, inferring He’s not going to. Why? No faithfulness in little things, no faithfulness in handling money in a godly fashion, and no faithfulness to the nurturing father!! That’s Luke 16 if you need it!! And sometimes you wonder, “Who will be true till death” in relationships?
I want us to examine as thoroughly as possible “RAISING SPIRITUAL SONS” from a biblical perspective:
Let’s look FIRST at THE FATHERS AND THE PRODIGALS: And what God’s Word is telling us is that some sons are intent on leaving the father’s presence and living a self-centered, self-willed, self-indulgent life. And try as the father may some are ‘hell-bent’ on ‘me, my, my way, my choices, my decisions,’ and they end up wasting so much of their lives, potential, and possessions with prodigal living. Life choices like that brings one to a “spent all” style of living with a loss of not only any possessions but any small degree of ‘family heritage’ he may have possessed.
It always leaves these sons of personal choice beginning to be in want! He stoops to swine-slop and no one seems to care. But in Luke 15:17 God’s Word tells us, “when he came to himself.” That is so very good. And we all rejoice because finally he decides, “I will arise and go to my father’s house.”
But in the midst of all this I’m wondering, “What’s going on with the Father?” And I begin to say, “Father, as you’ve given us roles and ministries to fulfill as earthly fathers and spiritual fathers, how do we relate to WAYWARD SONS?” And I learn several things:
One, God has built into us all the will of self-determination. He has not, will not, violate the free will of man in choosing his destiny over the will of the Father. The loving Father is not interested in ‘puppets on a string’ or electronic robots, but sons desperate for the father’s love, the father’s blessing, and the father’s intent.
Secondly, even the son who stayed, ‘the elder brother,’ missed the ‘spirit’ of the father. Close proximity is no guarantee of the spirit of a father’s heart. Sometimes the need is never sensed until one FINDS himself at the end of the road.
Third, the father’s heart never changes. He’s “the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Sorrowful, but wise as to the need of one discovering who he is and what he needs. Able, but unwilling to force the issue. Loving, whether the son stays or oes into the “wild, black yonder.” Forgiving because He understand illumined sons have greater potential than blinded sons.
Fourth, a loving father’s eyes are never off “the road of return and restoration.” Compassionately he waits, energetically he prays, with vision he plans, with anticipation he prepares for “the party.”
Fifth, He did not run after the son – he patiently waited because “the ball is in the court” of the son, not in the court of the father!!
Secondly, look at the spiritual fathers and the ‘John Marks’ as the ‘fathers’ relate to the sons’ fears, frustrations, failures and fallabilities.
And the one thing I want you to grasp is, that whether it’s sons or disciples, our walk RELATES TO THE CROSS – our Lord’s cross and our own. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”
In Mark 14:51-52 I believe our Lord is giving us insight into the pattern a lot of sons set for their lives. We see this picture of John Mark’s early steps, however fault-ridden, into the beginning of his ‘becoming.’ And I believe later in life John Mark is telling about himself!!
“Now a certain young man followed Him, having a linen cloth thrown around his naked body. And the young men laid hold of him…and he left the linen cloth and fled from them naked.” When the ‘cross’ is omitted in a son’s life it always leaves him in a state of ‘spiritual nakedness.’
But something is going on in John Mark’s life. Don’t know about his natural father, but we learn in Acts 12 that Peter came to a certain house after the iron gate of the prison was opened and Peter was freed. What house did he come to?
Acts 12:12, “…he came to the house of Mary, the mother of John whose surname was Mark, where many were gathered together praying.” John Mark had a powerful witness from a praying mother and a grandmother!
Verse 25 of that same chapter says, “Barnabas and Saul returned from Jerusalem when they had fulfilled their mission, taking along with them John, who was also called Mark.”
A spirirtual father, Paul the apostle, is now in the strong circle of influence of John Mark. Acts 13:5 says that as Barnabas and Saul are sent out on a new mission that they have a “helper” named John Mark! Then verse 13 of Acts 13, please see it, “John left them and returned to Jerusalem.” Is fear a reason? Is faithlessness a guiding factor? Is human fallability rather than divine identity a controlling influence? Does frustration capture a son because he wants a greater role and believes he has a better vision?
It was so very, very serious that the spiritual father, Paul, does not want John Mark on another ministry with him – the mission is too vital! In Acts 15:37-38, “And Barnabas was desirous of taking John, called Mark, along with them…But Paul kept insisting that they should not take him along who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work.”
In fact, verse 39, says: “there arose such a sharp disagreement that Barnabas and Paul separated from one another…” And Barnabas took John Mark with him.
How wrong was Paul? He wasn’t wrong at all! The mission was too vital, the call was too clear, the danger too imminent to have to be consumed with one who could walk away again! But, thank God, for “sons of encouragement” who are willing to “diaper-rize” spiritually infant sons who ought to be spiritual, vibrant sons already.
But then look at 2 Timothy 4:11!! He’s writing Timothy and says, “Only Luke is with me. Get MARK and bring him with you, FOR HE IS USEFUL TO ME FOR MINISTRY.”
The ministry was and always is uppermost in a spiritual father’s life and plans. And sometimes someone else has the role of spiritual encourager to bring a ‘son’ along.
And get this – the day came when John Mark ‘probably’ penned the first Gospel. Thank God, for team effort that brings us all along where the Father truly wants us to be!!
Third, look at the spiritual fathers and their relationship to ‘sons’ who struggle with opposition, persecution, and doubts. Who might that be? Do you think maybe Paul and Timothy?
My New King James Bible opens 2 Timothy with a statement: “Prison is the last place from which to expect a letter of encouragement,” but that’s what it is because Paul somehow has learned the plight or position his young spiritual son finds himself in. Paul’s in prison, the opposition is very intense, persecution abounds all around him, and Timothy is wondering, “Is this walk of faith worth it?” He’s even been weeping about it!
Without a doubt I believe Timothy was on the verge of walking away! Remember Peter? “I’m going back to fishing.” I don’t know what Timothy might have done if Paul, his spiritual father, had not sent him that letter of encouragement. [ I remember calling the home of a “fallen son” and he never returned my call. And I don’t know his spiritual health to this day. Heartbreaking. I did hear he trashed me all over his area for ‘interfering.’]
I was flabbergasted when I read Farrar’s book “Finishing Strong” and he told about John Bisagno’s future father-in-law telling him that it had been his observation “that just one out of ten who start in full-time service for the Lord at 21 are still on track by the age of 65.” He said, “they’re shot down morally, they’re shot down with discouragement, they’re shot down with liberal theology, they get obscessed with making money….but for one reason or another NINE OUT OF TEN FALL OUT.” (p6)
No wonder Paul wrote to the Ephesians (4:1-2), :I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called…with all lowliness and gentlness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.”
When you read 2 Timothy 1:8 you realize the battle that Timothy was in as he must have been wrestling as to whether or not devotion to Christ was really worth it. Paul said, “..do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God.”
And then Paul hit’s a homerun when in verse 9 he reminds Timothy that God “has SAVED US and CALLED US WITH A HOLY CASLLING, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was GIVEN TO US IN CHRIST JESUS BEFORE TIME BEGAN!!!”
That is so awesome! And how it needs to be spoken by spiritual fathers to struggling, unsure sons – “You’re SAVED, Washed In The Blood Of The Lamb, Called Of God to a distinct ministry and gifting, GIVEN TO US Before Time Had Even Begun, THE CHOSEN AND ELECT OF GOD, …AND YOU CAN’T WALK AWAY!!!”
Encouragement from spiritual fathers? Paul reminds Timothy he’s “a good soldier” of Jesus Christ; he reminds him he’s “a strong athlete” with a gold medal awaiting him; and he reminds him as a “profitable farmer” he gets to enjoy the abundance of the harvest!
Encouragement from spiritual fathers? “Defeat, Timothy, is not a stumbling block – it’s a stepping stone. Doubt, Timothy? It’s the door to certainty and confidence; Fear, Timothy? It’s a step away from the greatness and ableness of God!!”
Henry Ward Beecher put it like this: “It is defeat that turns bone to flint, and gristle to muscle, and makes people invincible, and forms those heroic natures that are now in ascendancy in the world. Do not, then, be afraid of defeat. You are never so near to victory as when defeated in a good cause.”
Fourthly, look at spiritual fathers who give their sons lofty and significant goals for their lives and not a sense of shortsightedness. Come to Colossians 4:17 where Paul challenges Archippus, “Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it.”
Two things to note here: One, ministry received “in the Lord.” I have no doubts that some men are shoved into places they should never be by thoughtless and unspiritual men. But true ministry is ‘in the Lord.’ It’s not an option I have – it’s a conviction God holds for one’s life.
And, two, ministry is to be fulfilled! What did Paul say in 2 Timothy 4:7-8? “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith…Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.”
What greater example than Christ Himself? In John 17:4, He said to the Father, “…I have finished the work which You have given Me to do.” Pressing in, laying hold, finishing the work is a Call we cannot run from! Break the tape, cross the line, then….rest in the arms of Jesus! Not now will I stop short; not now will I slow down in the race; not now will I R & R in the time of the battle of the ages. Not now – WE’RE GOING ON, WE’RE GOING IN!!
Fifth, consider Jesus and Judas! There is BETRAYAL; there is DENIAL; and there is REFUSAL TO TAKE A BIBLICAL PATH TO RESTORATION. In spiritual parenting there is always the path of brokenness, deep sorrow, and fearfulness over one you relate to who turns on you, betrays your trust, out for what the ‘son’ can get on his own. He’ll even publicly kiss you and then put a knife right into your heart. Because his consideration is, “What can I gain?’ rather than “What can I give?”
Judas’ want to hold the purse strings. Judas’ want the majority vote. Judas’ have “legitimate” explanations for betrayal and denial – and even if it dawns on them they’ve been wrong, a noose is better than the Good News of repentance toward God and faith in the finished work of Christ. They go it alone and abandon even their fellow disciples and choose Pharisees. Judas’ are down on spiritual extranagance like the woman with the expensive perfume pouring it all over Jesus, washing His feet with her tears and drying them with her hair. Judas’ are guided by, “That doesn’t sell,” as if discipleship and ministry are marketable products. “God, help us. Where have we come to in the American church?”
No wonder James Boren said, “It’s hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground.” Judas’ are political poll watchers who put their finger up in the air to see which way the wind is blowing rather than “Follow Me.” Judas’ measure their devotion by the visible not the invisible and they never become a part of seeing the impossible accomplished. They are “nickles and dimes” folk and not ministry or servant hood focused.
Remember Judas’ approach to Jesus? He’s going to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver by way of a ‘kiss.’ But Jesus said to him, “Friend, why have you come here?” HOW AWESOME! Do you doubt Jesus knew what was about to happen? But He still called him, “Friend…”
I’m ith Peter – ‘let’s cut off some ears,” but thank God that Jesus says, “Put your sword in its place!” Yes, Lord; but I sure would like to tanny some fanny! Yes, Lord; but will those faithless sons pay? Yes, Lord; but can I call down a little fire and brimstone? And ‘In His Time’ there is an accounting of one’s stewardship of trust in the “purse strings” of responsibility and relationship – and the FATHER will work it out.
The only problem I see in spiritual fathers and “sons” relationship is what is going on in a son’s heart? It was John Ruskin who said: “When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.” Big God Himself has a major problem getting even into “small packages.”
It’s why Josiah Gilbert Holland cried out: God give us men. A time like this demands strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands.
Men whom the lust of office does not kill, men whom the spoils of office cannot buy, men who possess opinions and a will, men who love honor, men who will not lie.”
Whether a spiritual father or a growing, maturing spiritual son, Paul has inspired advice when truthfully he said in Philippians 3:12-14, (TLB),
“I don’t mean to say I am perfect. I haven’t learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be…..
No, dear brothers, I am still not at all I should be but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us.”
That is my passionate heart-cry for myself and for anyone our Lord has put in my path to influence, inspire, encourage – whatever; so that we all might come into the fullness of the blessing of the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Rise up, fathers! Rise up, sons! BE ALL CHRIST SAVED YOU TO BE! Hold on, fathers, to that high and holy calling of nurturing, mentoring, and training! Hold on, sons, until the ‘father’s release!’